Monday, August 27, 2012

When Friendships are Over

There comes a time in any relationship when we must ask ourselves if the other person belongs in our lives.  I was inspired to write this by a post on one of my favourite blogs. The topic was “unfriending” people in the real world. It is something that I’ve often struggled with.

People grow and change. Along with the shifts come new perspectives, new ideas, and a deeper and more profound dedication to good character. At some point we will all have a friendship that doesn’t fit.

Let’s look at friendship from the perspective of character. Maintaining good character is not easy. One of the most difficult parts is dealing with others’ bad behaviour.

If you start to feel uncomfortable with someone it is important to look at why. Once you have understood the reason, take a good look at yourself. Sometimes the “bad” we see in other people is about issues inside ourselves.

If you discover that you have some work to do,  take care of it. Explore yourself with openness and acceptance. Let the friendship ride for a while. When you’ve dealt with your issues its time to take a serious look at the other person.

Part of good character is not tolerating bad character form others. I let a close friend go a few years ago. They were always kind and respectful to me, but, their behaviour towards the other people was terrible. As I pulled back I started to receive the same treatment so many others had. It was no longer possible for me to remain in that friendship.

How you handle the “breakup” is a tough question. In the early stages of a friendship,  just let the relationship fade. Once you have a closer bond its best to address your concerns. There is always hope for change.  Be prepared to get shot down. If they resist simply make your point then let things be. Allowing the relationship to end naturally is the best course of action.  If they won’t let go tell them you aren’t willing to have them in your life anymore.

If they are open discuss how you’ve seen the behaviour play out, then be willing to help them work on it. Be open to feedback they may have about your own issues. Work on things together.

Have you ever struggled to let go of a friend. How did it go for you? Were you happy with the result? I’m interested to know why, or why not.

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Check out Craig Harper's inspiring post.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Turths to live by: The Benevolent Universe

What we believe forms the foundation of our life. Are your beliefs making your life better? Supportive beliefs form the basis for a good life. One of the toughest shifts is moving out of fear. The sixteen truths of Ifa can help you move from fear to confidence.

In Ifa we believe that the Universe is benevolent and was created by a benevolent God. The natural world provides the evidence. Everything works in a seamless, perfect, order. At times, life is challenging for many species, but, life is sustained and continues.

Things become more complicated when we look at human beings. We live on a perfect self-polluting, self-healing planet. It seems that we are making a mess of it. Our viability as a species is at stake. Whenever we have grown from one level of consciousness to the next we have faced this kind of crisis.

We are taught that we are imperfect, that we are born in sin, that while each of us contains a spark of the divine we must avoid temptation or face hell. These rules used to be necessary. They provided structure and overcame barbarism. Today, they serve to undermine growth. We are unable to take responsibility for our own lives. They leave us unhappy, fearful, and incapable of evolving.

If we assume that God is a benevolent consciousness, if we choose to believe that we are an inseparable part of God, then we are able to seek joy, work to better ourselves,  and become protectors of our lovely planet. We can position ourselves as part of the perfection that we see all around us. We can strive to become more, to evolve, to care for ourselves, other human beings, and the Universe that we are part of.

In this almost limitless realm of experience, what we choose to believe becomes our reality. If you decide that God is benevolent the world will become a better place for you. It is the best possible choice. Do you experience the Universe as benevolent? I’d love to know why, or why not.

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