Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Our Partner's Stuff

When is it time to call our partner’s out on their stuff? It is  important to be sensitive to our partner’s feelings. When their old stories are operating it can be difficult. Eventually you have to expect people to be responsible for their history. 

One of the most difficult challenges in a relationship is dealing with flirtation. For the person flirting it is never a big deal. For their partner it can be hurtful. Does that mean we should never flirt?

Recently my flirting was taken  as a direct threat to my relationship. It forced me to take a hard look at myself, and at my husband’s sensitivity.

I had no intention of taking it any further . But, based on his past experience, my partner felt it was a problem.

I’ve realized that I need to be less exuberant when connecting with new people. I could have handled the situation more delicately. Now that I know the impact, I can take responsibility for my actions. 

My husband had a very painful breakup in his past. He gets upset whenever I flirt. He has difficulty leaving the old story behind to see that our situation is different.

I feel great compassion for him. I also know that it is  important for me not to take on his issues. Moving into a more healthy relationship requires us both  to deal with our own baggage. We can’t resolve other people’s challenges for them. We can support them and perhaps help them. But, the journey to healing their life is theirs alone.

I gave him some space to sort through things. We will see our relationship coach when we’re both ready. An outside perspective will help us get back on track as individuals, and as a couple. 

Our relationship will continue to thrive, and grow. The more we use this situation as an opportunity to heal ourselves, the more powerful our bond will become. 

When is it time to shield your partner, and when is it time to help them face their issues, and grow? I’d love to hear what you have to say.

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