Tuesday, March 12, 2013


I respect any relationship where both partners are equal and being fulfilled. I have chosen to be in a monogamous relationship. Recently I’ve been wondering what all this “open relationship” stuff is about? The open relationship model has never worked for me. I used to think I was too insecure, competitive, and  temperamental for it.

For a while I was certain that monogamy is a more mature choice. The reasons for an open relationship always seemed suspect. They revolved around meeting needs, and fulfilling fantasies.

You can never find everything you need in another person. That kind of thinking will doom any relationship.

Life is not about having all of our needs met, and fantasies fulfilled. That immature way of thinking will spell trouble for any adult relationship. It is up to us, with our partners, to ensure that basic needs are met. Beyond that our needs are like toys. There will always be more to need. Will an endless search for things your partner can’t provide be good for your relationship?

Fantasy is wonderful, but, reality is often disappointing. Obsessing about fantasy fulfillment can also undermine our relationships. It can take time away from our partner. If there are important things missing in your relationship talk to your partner. Find out how your needs and fantasies can be embraced while everyone remains respected.

I know people in successful , mature,  polyamorous relationships. I have deep respect for their ability to hold it together. Relating to each other in that way is very challenging.

People should be free to define their relationships as they see fit.

I no longer see open relationships as a modern ideal which I will never reach. For me, monogamy just seems right. It has always worked best. My husband agrees with me wholeheartedly. We are happy with the way we define, and embrace, our relationship.

Have open relationships worked for you? Have you every wanted to find out? I’d love to hear why, or why not.

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